My name is Laura, I am one of the co-founders of Lumii and to me, it’s a very personal journey. In January 2022, my child, then seven years old, confided in me about a highly traumatic event. As a result, that night, he began shadowing me around the house, seeking comfort and my presence to soothe his distress, reminiscent of a toddler. The following morning, he adamantly refused to attend school, explaining that it meant returning to the location and encountering family members associated with the traumatic incident.
Being a concerned mother, I reached out to his school for assistance, eventually persuading him to return to school. Drawing from my background as a former teacher, I was fortunate to know that I could request Emotional Literacy Support (ELSA) sessions for him.
ELSA sessions provided a safe space for him to open-up about his feelings with trusted individuals, providing a sense of relief. Little did I know that this marked just the beginning of the most arduous journey of our lives, a journey that has already spanned two years, and we have yet to fully emerge from its challenges.
The school chose to attribute his emotional struggles to parental conflicts between my ex-husband and me. Instead of addressing his genuine concerns, they redirected blame toward both of us and urged my child to forgive family members for the traumatic event that had deeply unsettled him. However, my son was acutely aware of the true nature of what had transpired and believed that the adults in his life should have known better than to handle the situation in such a manner. Crucially, he felt that these adults were not attentive to his experiences, the impact they had on him, and it appeared that his school was adopting a similar stance. This left him in a state of confusion, heightened fear, and led him to the distressing conclusion that no one believed him, comprehended his ordeal, or cared for his well-being. Consequently, he began to doubt whether anyone could ever be trusted again.
In the subsequent two years, he exhibited a range of behaviours that included:
Anxiety-driven vocal and motor tics
Episodes of violence
A quiet and withdrawn demeanour at school
Habitual behaviours like sucking on his clothes, skin, and feet
Struggles in engaging with friends
Inability to regulate his emotions
Difficulty falling asleep
Frequent meltdowns
An inability to be alone
Social withdrawal
These challenges began to permeate every facet of his personality and life, significantly impacting his cognitive processes, mood, and overall behaviour. I sought assistance from our GP, who initially referred us to the Children’s Wellbeing Hub. After a thorough telephone triage assessment, they raised the possibility that he might be neurodiverse and referred us to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services). Unfortunately, he was rejected from CAMHS due to parental separation, conflict, and the potential for SEND (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities) because we do not meet the threshold or remit that CAMHS could support . They recommended a SEND assessment for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), and SPD (Sensory
Processing Disorder). They also advised me to approach the school to initiate a referral to the community paediatrician for the necessary assessments.
At this point, my ex-partner became uncooperative and, to deflect from his own behaviour, convinced our child’s school that I was the one dealing with severe mental health issues and projecting them onto our son. This marked the beginning of a second round of my struggle to get the help our child needed. I engaged in a battle with the school from November 2022 to March 2023, yet no SEND referrals had been initiated during this period. Meanwhile, my child’s mental health continued to deteriorate, leading to numerous instances of school refusal and feigned illnesses as excuses to avoid attending school on handover days. I made every effort to encourage him to communicate with the school about his feelings and how they were affecting his behaviour and well-being. Unfortunately, each attempt seemed to hit a brick wall, inadvertently reinforcing the suspicion that I was the one facing mental instability.
Then, in March 2023, my worst nightmare unfolded when my courageous 8-year-old son disclosed that he was contemplating suicide. As a result, I exercised my Parental Responsibility and kept him with me full-time, seeking legal advice to ensure his safety. Despite three more urgent referrals to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services), each referral was rejected. Private therapy wasn’t an option due to the need for both parents’ permission and assessment, which was not feasible. My son refused to attend school, leave the house, or allow anyone in. His sleep patterns were severely disrupted, often not falling asleep until 3 am, and even then, only when lying directly on me. He insisted on keeping the curtains and blinds closed throughout the house and remained glued to my side 24 hours a day. He began to keep a journal and create disturbing images, which deeply concerned me. Eventually, the situation escalated to the point where we ended up in the emergency room because he had held a knife to his head.
No child should ever reach such a crisis point, and I couldn’t comprehend how we had arrived at this stage. Despite my pleas for help and support, it felt like we were entirely on our own—mother and son, locked away from the outside world, facing daily pressure from the school due to his absence. Every day became an emotional rollercoaster, and as a parent of 25 years, I had faced challenges, but this was uncharted and terrifying territory. I was left with the sole responsibility of keeping my son safe and alive.
By the end of June 2023, we finally received professional support in the form of a Family Intervention Worker from the local authority’s Early Help and Prevention team. With their assistance and the unwavering support of my friends and family, we began the journey of my son’s recovery, one step at a time. He enrolled in a new school, which took until mid-September to get him to attend alone, but he has since settled in and is thriving. This school has provided him with a sense of value, celebration, active listening, and support. While we still have some way to go before, he makes a full recovery, and there are occasional setbacks and triggers, we now have a semblance of normal family life. He attends school, I can work again, he sleeps in his own bed by 10 pm, and he enjoys social time with close friends and family once more.
In conclusion, my personal journey has shown me the critical importance of addressing child mental health in schools. Our experiences led me to develop an app to meet this need. I approached my colleagues Paul Massey and Mark Beedles, who are forward thinkers in the educational sector and co-founders of RTriibe, to share my ideas and this led to the creation of Lumii.me, a tool designed to empower schools to make a positive impact on their students’ mental well-being. I urge educators, parents, and school communities to explore Lumii.me and discover how it can help create a supportive and nurturing environment for every child. Together, we can make a difference in the lives of our children and ensure that their voices are heard and their mental health is prioritized. Visit Lumii.me today and join us in shaping a brighter future for our students.
